Many peoples understanding of Tantra is the part where it teaches you to have really good, transcendent sex. Often when I tell people I work as a Tantric practitioner, they ask me “is that the thing that sting does?”
And yes, Tantra is an ancient eastern art which teaches you how to have mind blowing, deeply intimate and connected sex. But the way that it does this is through teaching you as an individual how you can first become deeply connected and intimate with yourself.
Everything begins with the self.
I couldn’t orgasm for years when I was younger. I used to be REALLY shy. I didn’t feel comfortable asking for what I wanted. I was hesitant to take my clothes off. I was ashamed of being seen. I didn’t make sound. I would focus all of my energy on pleasing the other person as a cover up for not being comfortable in letting myself be vulnerable… I couldn’t sit in silence, breathing. I couldn’t sit and speak to that person in front of me intimately.
I was afraid.
I had so much sexual and body shame that I couldn’t relax. And to receive pleasure requires you to be able to let go of stress and to relax. You cant feel the fullness of your pleasure if you are tense and all up in your head.
So for me, Tantra is about PRESENCE. It is about letting go of tension and coming back to a completely relaxed state of being. It is about empowerment and feeling sexually liberated and in love with yourself and your body. And it is about clearing all the blocks, barriers and beliefs that stand in our way of being able to do this.
And so yes, when you choose the path of Tantra, it will bring up your shit. Because without looking at all of the shitty beliefs we have about ourselves not being good enough to receive and allow ourselves to feel pleasure, how can we receive it?
But here’s the catch, you can’t TRY to feel pleasure. Kind of like how you cant TRY to pick up a pen. You either pick it up or you don’t. Pleasure is something that flows from a place of ease. And the way to tapping into the flow of it, is through softening and allowing it to move through you, instead of forcing it.
As a society, we have been taught how to force and push everything. We have taught how to forge our path forwards in order to “strive” for what we want. We get taught to always have a goal in mind and then to push in order to reach that goal. In doing so, we often compromise the pleasure that comes from enjoying the process of what were actually doing to get to where we want to be.
For many, sex has become much the same. The focus is often so on orgasm or pleasing the other that we don’t allow ourselves to relax and sink into the pleasure that is available to us when we relax and simply breathe, feel and connect.
Tantra teaches you the tools to be able to surrender. It’s the path to letting go of the need to have any goal and to instead, become fully present with what is and move from that space. In order to fully relax and let go in the space of another, we need to learn how to do this in our own life, first. That way we can move from that space with another.
But, where to start?
I guess the first place to start is to acknowledge that you will to take full ownership and responsibility for your own shit.
It’s not another person, it’s not “the universe”. Everything that you feel is a product of your own thoughts and belief systems that you hold. When you take responsibility for this, it means that you can no longer blame anyone or anything else on the way that you feel. You are 100% accountable. And when you realise this, that’s where TRUE, lasting change starts to occur because it means that if you’re not happy, you have to do something about it.
There are so many paths, tools and techniques to utilise in the process of self growth and moving towards living a more self empowered, joy filled life. It’s really about letting go of trying and instead, coming back to a relaxed state of being and then listening and following the guidance that comes to you. The key is in the “relaxation” part.
But how do you let go?
The first thing I will say, is to listen to the body. The body is wise and is always giving us cues as to what we need- we just have to learn to listen.
Some of the most powerful ways to listen are to find stillness, such as in nature or in meditation. And so sitting in nature, is Tantra.
But perhaps you find it hard to relax?
When there is tension within the body, it is because there is tension in the mind. Tension in the mind comes when we are holding too tightly to an idea or an expectation. The way to letting that shit go is firstly, just to breathe. In my opinion, breathing is one of the most profound spiritual practises. The breath is life force energy and when you allow life force energy to flow through you, it unblocks tension. When you start to unblock tension, however, what will happen is that emotion will start to come up.
Because emotion is simply “energy in motion”. And when we let go of tension, it has to move out of us. Energy is neither created nor destroyed. Thoughts and emotions are simply waves of energy and when we hold onto them, they store within our bodies. In order to release them, then, they need to come out. And whenever the body is tense, it is showing us that there are thoughts or emotions that we are holding onto.
If you are wanting to embody your fullest potential and to feel life flowing through you freely… If you are wanting to experience heightened states of joy and pleasure… Then you have to feel. You have to be willing to allow shit to come up and move out of you so that you can come back to a state of wholeness within yourself.
So, whilst Tantra is a path to experiencing bliss and ecstacy and all of the good stuff, it also requires that you deal with your shit. It is about embracing all of the parts of yourself, including the darker parts that aren’t so fun at times. And whilst it may not be the easy, comfortable route to take in life, it means that you get to grow and expand and experience life in it’s entirety.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to 70 and wish I had done things differently. I want to feel my edge and breathe into it and walk the path that makes me feel the most alive.
As Anais Nin once said, “Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” Because if reincarnation aint a thing, I want to know I have walked a path where I have loved and lived as deeply and yet as lightly as I possibly could have.
This is the path of Tantra.
If you would like to learn how to open yourself up to experiencing more pleasure & passion, I now offer 1:1 in person and online coaching sessions. In these sessions I will give you the tools and practises to become more sexually empowered, confident and to call in more pleasure into your own life as well as within your relationships.
You can book an appointment by heading to www.sigourneybelle.com or if you would like more information, you can find and contact me on my website or via facebook.