Holy wow. Big shifts the past couple of days. I knew something was coming when a couple of days ago as summer melted away into autumn, I entered a period of darkness. I descended into the darkness of the womb, the place where we are drawn to retreat before we are reborn. I entered into a space of nothingness. The void. The space that begs you to go inwards. To rest. To recover. The dark moon.
And if you resist this inward pull, there is a feeling of anxiousness. Of fear. Because your body demands rest in the darkness, ready for the light. But if you surrender to it, you find release. You make space. For the light. For creation. For new inspiration. For greater love.
And with every descent, comes a rising. And with every rising, we elevate to new heights. We can see things in a new light.
The descent I experienced in the last few days was really fucking dark. And so I knew it was going to birth something really fucking beautiful.
And many times, I birth new ideas. But this time, the beauty was not a new idea but a new awareness. An awareness so simple and yet so profound. I realised that I was where I needed to be. And I realised that I no longer needed to fight. That I no longer needed to be anxious or stressed. I realised that for years now I have been so fixated on where I have wanted to be that I have been neglecting my ability to be present with the moment. I was so fixated on my dreams that I was trying to force them to happen instead of trusting in the process. Instead of letting things unfold with grace and with time, I was trying to push things to happen too quickly.
Fundamentally, it was because I had a fear of death. And what I really mean by that is that I had a fear of life. Of missing out on life. Of not making the most out of life. And that was driving me to always feel like I had to strive for something. To have a purpose greater than what was in front of me. And yet the very idea that I was greater than what was in front of me meant that I couldn’t see the beauty in the moment. I couldn’t appreciate what I already had. And that was the very barrier to allowing what I wanted to flow into my life. Because I was creating my life from a place of stress, instead of ease. Because the very fear of not getting what I wanted was creating stress within my body and mind and that stress was manifesting itself in my life as chaos. Of things not working out. I was constantly hitting walls.
I was teaching a yoga class tonight and initially, only one person turned up. Previously, I probably would have been a bit bummed. But after falling into a place of surrender, I could see that it was perfect. I felt no disappointment. I felt grateful for the opportunity to help even just one person.
Since falling out of the pattern of needing to get somewhere or needing to be better, I have realised that all is love. That there is beauty in every single moment. And that the very idea that I needed to be somewhere else was the very thing stopping me from experiencing what I was TRULY longing for, which was peace.
Because peace comes when you surrender into full acceptance. Accepting that you don’t need to be anywhere or do anything other than what you are doing right now. Because what you are seeking is not something outside of you- it is your very nature. It is to experience the feeling of the divine penetrating every cell in your body. And I can tell you that that’s available to you no matter what you are doing. It just takes one thing: acceptance. To recognise that there is nothing you need to do other than to witness the moment that you are in, right now.
How do you do this? Imagine that the person in front of you or the thing that you are doing is God. God, being the experience of unconditional love, or peace. And when that feeling of fear or overwhelm starts to fill your belly? Breathe through it. And ask it, “please wait- i know that you are trying to show me where I want to go, but I’ve got this. And I can do this from a place of peace, not fear”.
Because it is only when you are in a state of peace that you can truly manifest what it is that you want for yourself anyway. So what’s the point of stress? You can only truly attract what you need for yourself when you take a step back, sit in a space of love and then allow the universe to give you the answers that you need. To stop trying and instead, to focus on your own inner space of contentment and then from that place, allow the universe to provide for you. Allow yourself to receive and then create instead of trying to forge your way through life forcefully. Because at every moment in time, you can be doing absolutely anything and you have a choice as to how you do it. You can do it from a place of stress because you believe that you need to do hurry to move onto the next thing. Because you have a fear of the future and that you will miss out on your dreams if you don’t get shit done quickly. Or you breathe and sit in a space of peace, where you enjoy the process because you recognise that this moment is the only moment that truly exists and so if you are rushing it or are stressed, then you have lost out on love. You have lost out on that which you are looking for.
And still go after your dreams, but don’t chase them. Sit in a space of peace and receive the ideas. Then create them with ease and grace.
Everything with ease and grace. Everything lightly.