Enough of the violent thrusting, please.
And when I talk about getting thrusted, I’m talking about the kind of sexual experience where….
#1 Someone violently fingers your pussy.
It’s kind of like being stabbed, except not as painful. And it feels like his fingernails are tearing the walls of your vagina. Not ideal.
#2 Or you get fiercely thrusted by cock
When someone is lying on top of you, fiercely thrusting in and out of you, it feels as though you are being stripped of all of your value. Like you are drowning in a sea of no dignity. I remember, when I was younger, I used to just allow it to happen. It would make me feel like crying, because there was no grace. No beauty. And sex should be beautiful. Whether it’s primal AF or slow, hot and sweaty, it should still be beautiful. And when I say beautiful, I mean connected. There should be a real honouring of one another; an acknowledgement.
Often thrusting comes hand in hand with disconnection. The two bodies don’t have time to connect, energetically, when there is so much movement. You want to slow it down. Breathe. Feel. Perhaps add in a quick thrust here and there to really wake up the animal, but that’s not the kind of thing you want going on for a full… well, however long it takes for you.
Just like the way that our brains work in modern society, always pursuing a goal or outcome and insistent on achievement, sex for many has become much the same. Instead of dropping into a state of presence and enjoying the moment, it has become about pursuing… about trying… trying to orgasm. Trying to please. But, when you are in your mind, trying to achieve something, you cant also be in a state of surrendering and really feeling. Just like when you try to tell yourself to go to sleep and it becomes harder, sex is much the same. You’ve gotta let go.
For me, letting go means having no expectations. It means being able to really connect with what you need, in the moment. Instead of thinking about undressing the person, sit with how it feels just to touch them and look at them in the eyes. Perhaps that’s all you want and need.
When you learn how to really slow down and connect with one another, pleasure intensifies. You get the same feeling of ecstasy simply from nibbling on the persons ear than you do from the sex itself.
And if you slow down and there’s no connection? Well, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it? Maybe that’s your answer. Like with life, we often avoid slowing down because it’s in stillness that we get our answers. And sometimes, our answers are not what we want to hear. Sometimes, our answers mean fronting our fears- “hmmm perhaps I don’t want to be with him, anymore…”
But, it’s in slowness that you also find connection. Ease. Grace. It’s in slowness that you can feel your heart. When you do anything quickly, you lose touch with what’s happening inside of your body and it is the connection with the sensuality that comes with being present in your body that really allows you to feel bliss.
The same goes with life. You cant appreciate something unless you allow yourself to connect with it. To really look at it, feel it, breathe with it. To synchronise your energy, with it. With him. With her.
Bliss is found in harmony. When two become one. When you allow yourself to slow down enough to really feel one another. To honour one another. To be vulnerable with one another. And I guess that’s another reason many people avoid connection…. Because connection requires vulnerability.
To me, I love being in the bedroom with someone. It allows me to be me. To really breathe, to sound, to move… and in a way that feels really good. Because our bodies are energy… and energy moves; it vibrates; it pulses with life. It demands expression. It wants to be moved, to be filled with the breath; to express with sound. But, how often do we surrender into allowing our bodies to do this?
It is within the stillness, that we soften. When we slow down and surrender, we met with grace. And if we can do that with someone else, feeling safe, held and accepted, then we are able to transcend and have a union of the masculine and feminine, becoming one; feeling the orgasmic bliss of the divine.